Good things!!

So a lot has happened since May!!!! I am sooooooo much happier. It is absolutely amazing how differently I feel. A lot of people have noticed too. You can tell in my pictures as well. I just have so much peace now. A peace that I definitely didn't have when I was with Gabriel. I am able to love myself. It has been really nice!! I have been able to actually go to church and not feel like an outcast in my own home. I don't feel judged for going to church. My testimony has grown a ton!!! I have a calling in my ward. I'm on the relief society meetings committee :) I started dating a new guy. Woo hoo!!! He's absolutely amazing! And super handsome!! He is LDS too which makes my life super easy when it comes to church things!!!!!!! I have lost a ton of weight and actually care to take a moment for my appearance. It has helped with my self worth a lot! I feel better about myself...inside and out. My house stays clean now!!!! I love being home! I can feel the Spirit in my home and it is a lot more comfortable to just sit and be there. Before, I couldn't stand to be at home. I always had to be somewhere else (mostly at Lisa's). But now, I don't need to escape. I am safe and happy at MY home!! I'm working on getting my health back. I am working out fairly regularly. I am trying to eat mostly vegan again. I do have my moments where I really just want some meat on my Chipotle bowl....but other than that...I'm pretty good about sticking with it. I definitely missed how good I felt eating clean.  I have lost a total of 43 lbs so far!! Woo hoo!! It's crazy! I have gone from an 18 to a 10!! That was from last September. Since May, I've gone from a 14 to a 10!!! All in all, the best thing that I've gained out of this whole thing is my self worth. A happiness that I didn't have before. I love the internal peace that lives in my heart now. I don't know how I ever lived without it. I really wasn't living...I was absolutely miserable every single day. I didn't realize how bad I was until I actually stepped away from my situation and started living how I was supposed to. I am loving my life now and I hope it only gets better from here! :)

Happy endings?

Gabriel and I broke up last Tuesday. It's been a very stressful week. I broke up with him. It wasn't easy. Not at all. That was probably the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. I tried so hard to make it work. To just deal with the lack of emotion, gratitude, love, touch, everything. I couldn't take it any more...the final straw was when he said he didn't want to have anything to do with my faith. My testimony has grown. I have come to the realization that I want the blessings of the priesthood, temple, and gospel in my life. I was never going to have that with Gabriel. I need that in my life. I want him to be happy. I hope that he will find someone who will love him the way he's needs and vice versa. He's a good person, just not good for me in a relationship sense. I need to be held, etc and wasn't getting that. It hurt me emotionally, probably more than I even realize. I hope and pray that the perfect person for me is right around the corner. We shall see what the Lord has in store...

New Mexico

I've had an awesome time here in New Mexico! I got to spend tons of time with my best friend, Jovanna and her kids. They are awesome! I just love them! I got to see my brother get his ged and Jovanna graduate from college!! I'm so proud!
It has been kind of sad as well. My parents divorce was final about a week before I came up. I helped my dad buy things fir his new place. Mom keeps taking about random stuff that I don't necessarily want to hear. Hearing them both talk about each other and then saying they don't want the other person to hate them or anything......it's really hard. Mom gave me a bunch of jewelry that dad gave her. She's going to give the wedding rings to us kids...I dunno....this is just weird. I'm trying not to pick sides and I'm trying to stay neutral but it seems like they think because I'm an adult they can confide in me....I don't mind per say...but it's just hard. They've been together for so long.....I've been gone for 7 years and away from the drama that the boys have to deal with day in and day out. It's not cool. Not in the least. I'm not sure what to do our how to act...soon my mom will be in Idaho and dad will be selling the house. No more home to come home to. How do you deal with that? How do you act or react to something like this? I have no clue. I don't even know where to start.

Going home

I'm going to New Mexico for my vacation. I'll be there from the 8th of May to about the 19th. My brother is getting his G.E.D. and they are having a ceremony for him and my bff is graduating from college! Yay! So yeah, I'm excited! It might be a little strange though because my parents will be divorced....hmm.....

Lost Puppy

So a couple days ago I let my dog Jax run around. He was hanging out with my maintenance man "helping" him clean a space. A while later the maintenance man came into the office but Jax didn't. I went outside to try and find him. He was just around the corner sniffing at the oleander by the fence. I walked up to him to see what he was doing. Lo and behold....there was a puppy on the other side! He was really friendly but timid. I went and told my coworker what Jax found. We went over and tried to coax him under the fence. Then my maintenance man came over and put something under the fence to hold it up. He crawled under and went to get the food I had brought for him. My maintenance man got excited and tried to catch him. It freaked the puppy out and he ran back under the fence. We left him alone for a bit. Then my coworker and I came back with some more food. We set it out and called for the puppy. He came back. He came back under the fence but immediately went back under. He did that a few times but each time he took a bite of food. Then he ran under the fence and I didn't see him again for a while. I put food out for him and he ate it. Well, today I finally coaxed him out and under the fence. He came to me but only after he finished his food. He is sooooo sweet. I would keep him but I already have my hands full with Jax and the cats. I've been looking for a no kill shelter. I don't want him to be put down just because he's a pit (or pit mix...whatever the case may be). I finally ran across this company called treat em right. It's a shelter for pits! They rescue them and then find loving homes to put them in! I was so happy to find them! I've sent an email, now I'm just waiting for a response. I hope they can help!!

Small world

So crazy story!
There's this guy that stores his stuff at my storage facility. He lives like an hour away. He said his church was gonna pay for it because he was having a difficult time. I didn't think anything of it. He brought in the check in and it was from the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. He is Mormon too!
But wait it gets crazier...
So I'm going visiting teaching for the first time with my new companion and she says her brother has a storage at my place and tells me his name....It's the same person! It's a small world!!!! Wow!!

Things have been going good lately. I'm feeling anxious though. I started really working my wrap business. I'm working toward my $10,000 bonus. It just feels like things aren't happening fast enough...even though it's only been 8 days...I am hoping that it will pick up speed as soon as I sign Cynthia. I'm thinking that she'll take off like a bullet. I talked to Elder chollet the other night. He called me to settle a feud that he and his companion had over lyrics to a song. He also checked to see how I was doing. It was good to talk to him. My parents meet with a layer and three divorce should be final at the end of April or beginning of May. My mom is going to move to Idaho and dad is probably going to stay in NM. General conference is tomorrow and Sunday. I'm wondering if I'll be able to watch it. Gabriel and I might be going four wheeling or fishing with some friends. I might get some headphones and just listen from the Mormon channel. We will see. I know I need to watch it or listen or something. There are a lot of things that I need help and guidance with and I'm going to pray to get some answers. Things have been going smoothly but the question is....how long will it last. I dunno. It's weird cuz things have been going smoothly but I just can't shake this anxious feeling and I don't know why. I need to go back to eating vegan. I felt really good doing that. It's hard to explain. Ugh I'm about to start and had a complete chocolate candy salty sweet craving that completely overwhelmed me. Gabriel told he to go to the store and get something. I came back with twizlers, a whole pack of Reese's, almond joy, kit Kat, York peppermint patties, and a huge bag of lays lightly salted potato chips. Gabriel said he's never letting me go to the store when I have a chocolate craving again! I don't blame him! I didn't want to go...but...you know how that goes. I wish Gabriel was more open to different foods. We both need to lose weight. He's gotta figure out a way to change his eating habits before it is way too late. It would be a lot easier if he would just try things instead of dismissing them right off the bat...