Good things!!

So a lot has happened since May!!!! I am sooooooo much happier. It is absolutely amazing how differently I feel. A lot of people have noticed too. You can tell in my pictures as well. I just have so much peace now. A peace that I definitely didn't have when I was with Gabriel. I am able to love myself. It has been really nice!! I have been able to actually go to church and not feel like an outcast in my own home. I don't feel judged for going to church. My testimony has grown a ton!!! I have a calling in my ward. I'm on the relief society meetings committee :) I started dating a new guy. Woo hoo!!! He's absolutely amazing! And super handsome!! He is LDS too which makes my life super easy when it comes to church things!!!!!!! I have lost a ton of weight and actually care to take a moment for my appearance. It has helped with my self worth a lot! I feel better about myself...inside and out. My house stays clean now!!!! I love being home! I can feel the Spirit in my home and it is a lot more comfortable to just sit and be there. Before, I couldn't stand to be at home. I always had to be somewhere else (mostly at Lisa's). But now, I don't need to escape. I am safe and happy at MY home!! I'm working on getting my health back. I am working out fairly regularly. I am trying to eat mostly vegan again. I do have my moments where I really just want some meat on my Chipotle bowl....but other than that...I'm pretty good about sticking with it. I definitely missed how good I felt eating clean.  I have lost a total of 43 lbs so far!! Woo hoo!! It's crazy! I have gone from an 18 to a 10!! That was from last September. Since May, I've gone from a 14 to a 10!!! All in all, the best thing that I've gained out of this whole thing is my self worth. A happiness that I didn't have before. I love the internal peace that lives in my heart now. I don't know how I ever lived without it. I really wasn't living...I was absolutely miserable every single day. I didn't realize how bad I was until I actually stepped away from my situation and started living how I was supposed to. I am loving my life now and I hope it only gets better from here! :)

Happy endings?

Gabriel and I broke up last Tuesday. It's been a very stressful week. I broke up with him. It wasn't easy. Not at all. That was probably the hardest thing that I've ever had to do. I tried so hard to make it work. To just deal with the lack of emotion, gratitude, love, touch, everything. I couldn't take it any more...the final straw was when he said he didn't want to have anything to do with my faith. My testimony has grown. I have come to the realization that I want the blessings of the priesthood, temple, and gospel in my life. I was never going to have that with Gabriel. I need that in my life. I want him to be happy. I hope that he will find someone who will love him the way he's needs and vice versa. He's a good person, just not good for me in a relationship sense. I need to be held, etc and wasn't getting that. It hurt me emotionally, probably more than I even realize. I hope and pray that the perfect person for me is right around the corner. We shall see what the Lord has in store...

New Mexico

I've had an awesome time here in New Mexico! I got to spend tons of time with my best friend, Jovanna and her kids. They are awesome! I just love them! I got to see my brother get his ged and Jovanna graduate from college!! I'm so proud!
It has been kind of sad as well. My parents divorce was final about a week before I came up. I helped my dad buy things fir his new place. Mom keeps taking about random stuff that I don't necessarily want to hear. Hearing them both talk about each other and then saying they don't want the other person to hate them or anything......it's really hard. Mom gave me a bunch of jewelry that dad gave her. She's going to give the wedding rings to us kids...I dunno....this is just weird. I'm trying not to pick sides and I'm trying to stay neutral but it seems like they think because I'm an adult they can confide in me....I don't mind per say...but it's just hard. They've been together for so long.....I've been gone for 7 years and away from the drama that the boys have to deal with day in and day out. It's not cool. Not in the least. I'm not sure what to do our how to act...soon my mom will be in Idaho and dad will be selling the house. No more home to come home to. How do you deal with that? How do you act or react to something like this? I have no clue. I don't even know where to start.

Going home

I'm going to New Mexico for my vacation. I'll be there from the 8th of May to about the 19th. My brother is getting his G.E.D. and they are having a ceremony for him and my bff is graduating from college! Yay! So yeah, I'm excited! It might be a little strange though because my parents will be divorced....hmm.....

Lost Puppy

So a couple days ago I let my dog Jax run around. He was hanging out with my maintenance man "helping" him clean a space. A while later the maintenance man came into the office but Jax didn't. I went outside to try and find him. He was just around the corner sniffing at the oleander by the fence. I walked up to him to see what he was doing. Lo and behold....there was a puppy on the other side! He was really friendly but timid. I went and told my coworker what Jax found. We went over and tried to coax him under the fence. Then my maintenance man came over and put something under the fence to hold it up. He crawled under and went to get the food I had brought for him. My maintenance man got excited and tried to catch him. It freaked the puppy out and he ran back under the fence. We left him alone for a bit. Then my coworker and I came back with some more food. We set it out and called for the puppy. He came back. He came back under the fence but immediately went back under. He did that a few times but each time he took a bite of food. Then he ran under the fence and I didn't see him again for a while. I put food out for him and he ate it. Well, today I finally coaxed him out and under the fence. He came to me but only after he finished his food. He is sooooo sweet. I would keep him but I already have my hands full with Jax and the cats. I've been looking for a no kill shelter. I don't want him to be put down just because he's a pit (or pit mix...whatever the case may be). I finally ran across this company called treat em right. It's a shelter for pits! They rescue them and then find loving homes to put them in! I was so happy to find them! I've sent an email, now I'm just waiting for a response. I hope they can help!!

Small world

So crazy story!
There's this guy that stores his stuff at my storage facility. He lives like an hour away. He said his church was gonna pay for it because he was having a difficult time. I didn't think anything of it. He brought in the check in and it was from the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints. He is Mormon too!
But wait it gets crazier...
So I'm going visiting teaching for the first time with my new companion and she says her brother has a storage at my place and tells me his name....It's the same person! It's a small world!!!! Wow!!

Things have been going good lately. I'm feeling anxious though. I started really working my wrap business. I'm working toward my $10,000 bonus. It just feels like things aren't happening fast enough...even though it's only been 8 days...I am hoping that it will pick up speed as soon as I sign Cynthia. I'm thinking that she'll take off like a bullet. I talked to Elder chollet the other night. He called me to settle a feud that he and his companion had over lyrics to a song. He also checked to see how I was doing. It was good to talk to him. My parents meet with a layer and three divorce should be final at the end of April or beginning of May. My mom is going to move to Idaho and dad is probably going to stay in NM. General conference is tomorrow and Sunday. I'm wondering if I'll be able to watch it. Gabriel and I might be going four wheeling or fishing with some friends. I might get some headphones and just listen from the Mormon channel. We will see. I know I need to watch it or listen or something. There are a lot of things that I need help and guidance with and I'm going to pray to get some answers. Things have been going smoothly but the question is....how long will it last. I dunno. It's weird cuz things have been going smoothly but I just can't shake this anxious feeling and I don't know why. I need to go back to eating vegan. I felt really good doing that. It's hard to explain. Ugh I'm about to start and had a complete chocolate candy salty sweet craving that completely overwhelmed me. Gabriel told he to go to the store and get something. I came back with twizlers, a whole pack of Reese's, almond joy, kit Kat, York peppermint patties, and a huge bag of lays lightly salted potato chips. Gabriel said he's never letting me go to the store when I have a chocolate craving again! I don't blame him! I didn't want to go...but...you know how that goes. I wish Gabriel was more open to different foods. We both need to lose weight. He's gotta figure out a way to change his eating habits before it is way too late. It would be a lot easier if he would just try things instead of dismissing them right off the bat...

How do you help?

I went to high school with this guy....he was a few grades ahead of me. We never really talked or anything. A few months ago he found me on Facebook. We've been talking and I feel really bad for him. You can just tell that he's really messed up on drugs. We've had conversations about him going into rehab a couple times. I've never really asked how rehab went or anything but obviously it's not working. He's out of his mind posting off the wall things. He's actually quite hard to understand because his brain is basically on a completely different level. Most recently his post have been getting quite graphic. His profile is bows naked picture of him with a picture of Kenny g covering his you know what. He posted that he's been Mormon since he was 8 and hates them as much as they hate him and soon hell find out if he's going to be excommunicated. At first I really just wanted to help him but I'm thinking that there's no way that I can. I'm getting to the point where I'm really wanting to unfriend him because looking into his world....even from Facebook is quite scary and really sad. He needs help but I'm afraid it's more than I can do. I have no ties to him other than we went to the same high school so why is it that I feel compelled to help?

Night time thoughts

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be had a made different choices. Could I have been married and had children like I planned? Don't get me wrong, I like my current life. It just didn't go the way I had originally planned. Apparently I was meant to do other things in life. It will happen when I'm ready.....or when Heavenly Father says I'm ready I suppose ;-)
I guess that comes from my up bringing. Every one I know back home is married and most are on their 2nd kids. That was supposed to be my life too. But it has gone a completely different direction. I don't want to be an old mom. I want to have children while I'm young. That may be naive of me to say, but it's how I feel.

Health nut

I'm soooooo not a health nut. I wish I were though. It would make losing weight a whole lot easier. So far I have lost 40 pounds. I'm at a stand still with my weight loss now. I was doing really well. I was eating a healthy vegan diet and felt amazing. my friend decided that she would be vegan for 3 months (January-march)...the catch...I would have to cook for her. At first it was fine. They did good but slowly started losing track and bringing me with them. Not that it's their fault that I ate meat again, it's not. That was all me. But I found it easier to "cheat" when I wasn't the only one cheating. I'm quite disappointed that let myself fall back into my old habits. I loved being vegan. I also love meat. But I think I love the feeling if being clean on the inside more.
It's in the word of wisdom that we should only eat meat in times of famine. I've related that to several members and all anyone says is "well that one is more of a guideline...it's optimal"....etc. I've never understood why that one is optional to follow but drinking tea or coffee or even alcohol for that matter is a sin. I've looked in a few different manuals from different prophets of the church and again they focus mostly on staying away from alcohol, narcotics, coffee and tea. I hope that one day I'll understand. I'll continue to do research and see what I can find. I hope you have a wonderful Sunday!

3/15/13

I had a wonderful week with my parents. They decided to stay an extra day. We went down to Kemah and couldn't find a parking spot anywhere. After 30 minutes of trying we finally decided to leave. We went to Galveston, ate lunch, parked on the sea wall and walked around. After that we went to a bass pro shop so my dad could look around. We stayed until it closed. The other days were good too. We didn't do too much, but it was nice just having them here and getting to show them around my world. Apparently this trip was the deciding factor of whether or not they are going to continue with the divorce or stay together. I hope that whatever they decide to do, it will lead to their happiness...as long as they're happy things will be fine.
For the past few days I've been having this gut feeling that I'm going to get fired today. It won't leave me either. Yesterday while I was out with my family I got a phone call from the relief society president. One of the ladies that she visit teaches said there is an opening in her office....so that kind of helps... knowing that I will be ok one way or another.
I need to get with my visiting teaching partner and set up dates to go visit our ladies. 2 of them are inactive. I know what it's like to be inactive and I have a feeling that's why I was placed with them. Hopefully I can make a good impact on them. I've never visit taught before so I'm a little nervous. I hope that I will do well and be able to help in whatever way they may need.
I'm going to be moving out of my ward soon and that makes me really sad. They are awesome. They truly are. It's funny, this is the loudest ward I have ever been in....mainly because it is full of kids under 9. I couldn't even tell you how many kids are in the ward...there are soooooo many hahaha. But anyways, it's full of the spirit. You can feel that these people are genuine and truly love the Lord. My previous ward sucked. The people there were so snobby. The other 2 wards in the building were good but that one just made you feel unwelcome like you were not good enough to be in their presence. My mom and dad feel that way too and have basically stopped going to meetings.
It's soooooo sad when you know something is true but decide that the people there make it not worth it. It's almost like, why would I purposefully surround myself with people that don't like me and treat me as if I'm inferior to them...? After a while you just stop subjecting yourself to it and whether or not you believe it's true becomes irrelevant because common sense starts kicking in and you don't put yourself in the situation any more. It's really very sad but really quite common.
I'm very grateful for Elder chollet. He was extremely persistent and very patient. He brought me back to church. Now i know what it feels like to be in a ward that cares about everyone. I know that the Lord sent the elders to me at the right time. I was at the moment of no return. I was about to fall off of the edge and never return. I had looked at soooooo many anti Mormon sites.....I was one click away from completely turning my back on my church. I had always had a small testimony even after I stopped going completely. I remember my seminary teacher, Brother Bauer, said that you never stay in one place with the gospel. You are either moving toward it or away from it. There is no grey, only black and white. You will hate it or you will love it...there is no in between. I always thought...no I am the one that is in between. Little did I know that I was indeed moving away from the gospel. I was being directed slowly but surely away from the truth. Like I said earlier, I was to the point of never looking back right before the elders came.
It was a very long process for me. I think in part because I was so far down the wrong path....it took a while to get back on track. Elder chollet later told me that after a few weeks Elder Beers didn't want to come any more because I wasn't making any progress. And technically they are only suppressed to spend so many weeks working with someone and if they show no progress you move on. But Elder chollet knew that I just needed a little bit more time. And I thank him for that. I'm thankful that Elder chollet and Elder Ririe were able to have the patience to pull me from the darkness that pushed me away. Now if only I could find a way to help Gabriel see what I know.

Dreams

Dreams are pretty important to me. I feel that I can learn a lot from them. In the past couple weeks I've had 2 dreams about tornados, 1 about zombies, 1 about my Grandma, 1 about school...and other dreams as well. The tornados and the one about my Grandma are what really stand out to me. Tornadoes are supposed to represent tumultuous people or reckless relationships in your life.
The one about my Grandma was strange. She passed away in July. Since then my family has been talking about how she visits them or their kids. I.e...being the person that I am...got somewhat jealous...not overly jealous, just slightly. She's my Grandma too and I love her just as much as they do so why not me too.
Well, back to the dream...
We were at the table in her house getting flowers ready for her funeral arrangement. We had to cut the stems basically all the way off. They were red tulips in my dream. My Grandma talked to me a little bit and told me she loved me. Other people came in and out of the dream but for the must part she focused on me and the flowers. As we were getting closer to being finished, she grabbed one of the flowers and started cutting it in half. It looked like a poppy rather than a tulip though. She have me one half and took the other and said this is how we'll remember...or something to that effect. It was a very powerful dream. When I woke up I remembered it all. I immediately looked up the meaning of red tulips and poppies-
Poppy 
To see a poppy in your dream symbolizes fertility, and abundance. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to learn to forget or forgive. You need to let go out the past and look forward to the future. In particular, if the poppy is red, then it represents a sacrifice that you need to make or have made. It is also symbolic of remembrance.
Tulips  
To dream tulips denotes new beginnings. You are at the time in your life where you feel great about yourself and thankful of how events have unfolded in your favor. Tulips are symbolic of love, hope, and faith.
I posted my dream on Facebook and my cousins and brother all tried to change the flowers thinking that they might be some of Grandma's favorites. I know in my dream they may not have looked like what they were but they were tulips and a poppy.
My Grandma is very special to me. We lived in New Mexico and she (all of my mom's family) lives in Idaho. We only got to see them once a year. Even though that was the case my Grandma Bessie was more of a Grandma than the one that lived down the road from us. Grandma Bessie always loved each and every one of her grandchildren the same. She made everyone feel special, loved and accepted. Grandma had the absolute purest love of Christ within her. She is sorely missed but I know that with the plan of salvation, she is with our Father in Heaven, at peace, full of joy and happiness. I know that we will see each other again and I can't wait for that glorious day. Watching her go was extremely hard. She fought to stay with us. But she needed to go, to be on the other side. She was in too much pain to stay. Grandma blessed everyone that she came into contact with, even for a brief moment of meeting her. I love you Grandma and can't wait to see you again <3

A couple weeks ago I downloaded the kindle app. I'm currently reading a book called collide. It's pretty good so far. It's about a girl who moves to NY with her boyfriend after her mom dies. While there she meets a guy and can't decide between the two. I'm really liking it so far. I wish I had more time to read though!

Hmmm

So my parents are coming to visit me for spring break. I'm excited. I feel bad though because I kept asking and asking and bugging them. They finally gave in and said yes. I hope it won't be awkward. They will be getting a divorce soon after 26 years of marriage. Yeah....it sucks. But as long as they are happy, I guess that's all that matters.
Now that they are coming I've got to clean my house. I need to steam clean my carpets, make sure the bedding on the guest bed is clean...all that good stuff.
I've been doing laundry while simultaneously working the front office. I work in the storage industry and my apartment is attached to the office. I can't wait to move! Living at work is not fun. Especially when it's not your own business. I'm always here and it sucks. You need time away from your job.

Sprint has had really crappy service all day. I haven't been getting texts or calls and neither has Gabriel or his sister. I'm waiting on her to come over and pick up a letter I write for her to take to court tomorrow. Anyways, I've been trying to call her and nothing....sprint really sucks. I feel we've had nothing but problems since switching to them and it's basically the same price as AT&T. I'm thinking that we should switch back to AT&T but that's not really an option. Well it is, it would just have to go in my name.
Just as an fyi my brain jumps all over the place and switches topics really quickly....if you haven't noticed hahaha.

About Me

Hi, my name is Mandy. I am 25 and live in Houston with my fiancée Gabriel.I am an aquarius and love every minute of it! I am originally from New Mexico, but moved here with Gabriel 6 1/2 years ago. We have 2 cats named Monster and Noody and a dog named Jax. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

I'm more of a listener than a talker. I'd much rather hear your story than tell mine. I love makeup, cooking, arts and crafts, learning different things, reading and music. In my world I have a hard time functioning without music. It follows me, envelopes me and allows me to slip into my own reality.

I was vegan for about 4 months. I loved it but fell off the wagon. I will get back on though. I loved it. Eating that way has such an impact...a good one....on your body. You don't realize how bad you feel until you try it, feel the effects and then slip back into your previous eating habits. I realize now that I'm like constantly bloated...no bueno.

I am the oldest of 3 children. I have 2 brothers, Matt and Mitch. My parents recently decided to get a divorce after 26 years of marriage. That was hard to deal with. They haven't gone through with the divorce yet so I still don't think that it has set in that they will soon live 2 different lives.

That got a little deep.

Lets see.....
My favorite color is Burgundy. I love black, teal, pink, silver, red, shades of blue....vibrant colors.

I love most genres of music. I'm not so much a fan of rap or pop. I mostly stick to rock, country, classic rock and classic country. I'm really liking dub step right now and Christian rock like skillet. Basically my Pandora list is all over the place. It goes from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir all the way to Flux Pavilion to George Strait to Tupac. I love it.

Well this is really all I have for right now. I'll get into other things at a later date. Until then, have a wonderful day. :)